You may have an aging loved one that you know needs some help performing certain day-to-day tasks but they refuse the idea of receiving help from anyone. There is nothing harder than trying to convince them. One of the biggest fears among the elderly is the thought of losing their independence. This is often the reason why so many seniors refuse elder care.
It is important that you listen and be understanding of your loved one’s fears about aging. The reasons could vary but it doesn’t matter. In their mind it is a legitimate fear. They could be uncomfortable with the idea of a stranger coming into their home, lack of privacy, the cost, or too proud to accept help because they always got through the tough times on their own.
The following 3 strategies will help you deal with a parent who refuses home care for the elderly:
- Be patient – It is essential not to show anger or frustration when discussing the issue of receiving help. Ask questions to understand why it is that they are refusing to accept help. Once you know the real reason behind their fear, you can work on a solution. It could take several conversations to build enough trust to discover the reason. Listen to their concerns with empathy. Validate their feelings rather than deny them.
- Present different options – Emphasize the flexibility in receiving elderly home care. Express the thought that allowing someone to come in and help with some of the household chores doesn’t have to be a reflection of losing their independence but can free them up to do more things they enjoy. Involve them in the interviewing process. Let them make decisions regarding the schedule of which days and times a home care provider can come.
- Work an aide in little by little – Have an aide accompany you on a few short home visits or for a cup of coffee. Next, have the aide tag along to a doctor’s appointment a week or so later. While at the appointment, let your loved one know that something has come up and you need to leave early on some pretext. Have the aide accompany your loved one home.
The main thing to keep in mind when a loved one is refusing elder care, is their safety and your sanity. As long as they are not endangering themselves or others, respect their decision.
